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ANSWERS TO WRITING TIP #2 EXERCISES
Copy Editing Exercise:
Lilly was having a great time playing. The sun was warm and high in the sky and the grass was soft and dry. She had wanted to be outside more then [than] anything in the world and now she is. [was] The Daffodil [daffodil] swayed gently in her hand as the breeze ran by her. She bought [brought] the flower to her lips and blew watching the white pedals [petals] separate and go there [their] own way.
Lilly was having a great time playing. The sun was warm and high in the sky and the grass was soft and dry. She had wanted to be outside more then [than] anything in the world and now she is. [was] The Daffodil [daffodil] swayed gently in her hand as the breeze ran by her. She bought [brought] the flower to her lips and blew watching the white pedals [petals] separate and go there [their] own way.
- ‘then’ refers to a specific time. ‘than’ is a measure of something.
- ‘is’ is present tense narrative. The story begins in past tense, which would be ‘was’
- ‘Daffodil’ should not be capitalized.
- ‘bought’ means to purchase something. ‘brought’ is an action.
- ‘pedals’ indicates a action word or device like on a bike. ‘petal’ is what’s on a flower
- ‘there’ indicates a specific space. ‘their’ is a possessive case of ‘they’.
Book Editing Exercise:
Hard pings of ice rain hit the bathroom window. Max gazed toward the sound and couldn’t see anything but his own reflection. The cold dark night was an inky blackness against the glass. The portable heater beside him made the bathroom toasty and he was glad for the warmth. He took one last look at himself in the bedroom mirror and slipped the short sleeve linen shirt over his back. Picking up his car keys, Max left his house, squinting in the hot glare of the summer sun. He hoped he hadn’t missed the bus. Taking mass transit was the only way he could get to work. One day he hoped to get a car.
Unless this character is suffering from some sort of mental illness, this paragraph is chocked full of contradictions.
Hard pings of ice rain hit the bathroom window. Max gazed toward the sound and couldn’t see anything but his own reflection. The cold dark night was an inky blackness against the glass. The portable heater beside him made the bathroom toasty and he was glad for the warmth. He took one last look at himself in the bedroom mirror and slipped the short sleeve linen shirt over his back. Picking up his car keys, Max left his house, squinting in the hot glare of the summer sun. He hoped he hadn’t missed the bus. Taking mass transit was the only way he could get to work. One day he hoped to get a car.
- This scene starts at night with an icy rain outside. The character Max has a heater on in the bathroom, which indicates its winter. But he dresses in a short-sleeve linen shirt and when he goes outside, it’s a summer day.
- He starts in the bathroom and suddenly he looking at himself in the bedroom mirror. We never see him leave the bathroom.
- Max picks up his car keys, but the narrator states that he has to catch a bus because it is the only way he can get to work and how one day Max hoped to get a car.
Unless this character is suffering from some sort of mental illness, this paragraph is chocked full of contradictions.
Professional Reader Editing:
They had never gotten along and Beth didn’t see that happening now. She didn’t know why Jill rubbed her the wrong way, but she did. Spending eight hours a day with her, for five days a week was more than Beth could stand, but you couldn’t pick your co-workers. It was Friday night and Beth wasn’t ready to leave the city. She was thinking about getting dinner and then see a movie and wanted some company. She was at the elevator still trying to figure out what she would do when Jill tapped her shoulder.
“Thank God it’s Friday!” Jill proclaimed.
Beth laughed, free and easy. “I know, right?” She studied Beth for a second then asked her if she had any plans for the evening. “I was thinking about hanging out in the city. Want to join me?”
a. This one is simple enough. The narrator spends most of this section declaring how much Jill doesn’t like Beth, yet at the end, she is asking Beth to join her to hang out. It appears obvious to the reader, but you will be surprised how many writers makes these types of mistakes! This will occur normally in the first two drafts, when an author is getting to know it’s character. We refer to it as schizophrenic writing.
They had never gotten along and Beth didn’t see that happening now. She didn’t know why Jill rubbed her the wrong way, but she did. Spending eight hours a day with her, for five days a week was more than Beth could stand, but you couldn’t pick your co-workers. It was Friday night and Beth wasn’t ready to leave the city. She was thinking about getting dinner and then see a movie and wanted some company. She was at the elevator still trying to figure out what she would do when Jill tapped her shoulder.
“Thank God it’s Friday!” Jill proclaimed.
Beth laughed, free and easy. “I know, right?” She studied Beth for a second then asked her if she had any plans for the evening. “I was thinking about hanging out in the city. Want to join me?”
a. This one is simple enough. The narrator spends most of this section declaring how much Jill doesn’t like Beth, yet at the end, she is asking Beth to join her to hang out. It appears obvious to the reader, but you will be surprised how many writers makes these types of mistakes! This will occur normally in the first two drafts, when an author is getting to know it’s character. We refer to it as schizophrenic writing.
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